Affordable Green Art, Theatre, Photography, Crafting for a Cause, Spoken Word, Gardening, and Theatre Tech Courses for kids in Charlotte!

I am flying off to Africa tomorrow, but in the meantime, I need to tell you about something awesome a great pastor at The Grove Church started a few years ago with an amazing group of friends.  We started an after-school, arts ministry.  We have offered the following classes to kids in our neighborhood and all throughout Charlotte for affordable prices!

Photography

Gardening

Theatre ( In the past we have done Lion King, Wizard of Oz, Glee, and Annie Performances!)

Theatre Tech

Mad Science

Creative Writing

Crafting for a Cause

Unspoken Words(poetry and spoken word! Awesome!)

Teaching several of these courses is one of the most rewarding and satisfying things I have experienced in life.  The kids are a joy to teach and I adore meeting them and spending time with them.  In one of my classes the kids were so excited to be there, and referred to it as "art club" and invited and told their friends about it.  No matter what kind of day I had, I was inspired to spend time with them and just.... create!  and grow! 




Anyway, registration is going on now! And I just wanted to get the word out so we can add some new faces to our classes and spread our ministry even further.  

We don't look at it as us offering you a service, we are delighted to reach out to you, and see what we can both learn from each other.  NAM is for children, but we have considered doing adult workshops and classes in the past, and we know that we have SO MUCH to learn from the kids!!!  We are interested in meeting the whole family.


Classes are at The Grove:  http://thegrovecharlotte.org/




Here is registration info and information on our program and classes we are offering this semester: http://thegrovecharlotte.org/youth/neighborhood-afterschool-ministries/



We cannot WAIT to meet you!!! Excited!!

Finding bits of my soul in Cameroon.

More about my heart thief experience in Cameroon.  If you missed the first post about this sweet little tot, meet him here:  http://psalm1274.blogspot.com/2013/07/i-traveled-all-way-to-fundong-cameroon.html




On our last morning in Cameroon, I awoke to the sounds of the children laughing and playing sweetly and adventurously outside, just like every other morning on the trip.  It felt so comfortable in my mosquito netted cot sitting listening to these sounds, praising God, and convincing my sore body to roll out of bed and get going.  We packed up the remainder of our gear and I walked around with my camera getting some last minute shots.  It's always a panic as a photographer that you may have missed something, and you wont be able to get it once you've driven and flown away from the site.



A small group of children was gathered around watching Jacob(soulmate) packing up tools.  They looked precious as always in their sweet little outfits, with their shaved heads and shy faces.... only they were different.  They seemed... serious.  There weren't many smiles, and they were extremely helpful.  Some offered to help Jacob pack, and there was sort of a competition for who could take the broom from me and sweep the dust outside.  I tried to play with some of the children who usually followed me around, but they were very serious and not in the mood.  It was tense.  A few of the older girls (who were such great friends to me after only being there for a few days!)  Had written me letters, and I wrote them letters back and gave them to them.  They looked devastated that we both knew.. I was leaving very shortly.




Eventually the cab pulled up.  We were packing everything up and saying our goodbyes.  I had sobbed during devotions the prior night when they asked me to pray, and I kind of hoped that it was all out of my system.  I learned the first time I visited an orphanage in Bolivia, keep a playful tone, a smile on your face, and I don't usually say goodbye, and I don't  make false promises of returning, I just leave it at I am so happy I got to spend time with you, and I hope we see each other again sometime, love you.  Well I picked up Animbom, my love.  And he just stared straight faced, terrified at the cab.  I tried to tickle him.  This was one of our many precious sacred forms of communication.  He would always squeal uncontrollably and squirm to get away or roll around on the ground.  But there were no tickles to be had on this morning, because we knew our hearts were already breaking.  I asked one of the other boys who always watched over him if he was okay and if he was sick.  " No, he isn't sick.  He is just sad."  



I knew I couldn't bear to see him watch us pull away and I knew if he stayed I would cry my eyes out.  I talked to him, told him how much I loved him, and carried him away from the crowd and the cab.  I heard someone saying that their breakfast was ready, I called to the crowd of kids to come eat.  All of the little ones ran towards the dining room, and I carried Ani to get his dishes.  I asked him if he was hungry, told him to be good, and to go eat his delicious puff puff.  I said see ya to the other little ones and I held my breath as I squeezed him one last time and watched him shuffle away zombie-like to go eat.  I quickly gave some more wordless goodbyes and on the last one to Esther, a beautiful Christian woman who takes care of the children, I felt the tears welling up, I quickly brushed them away and got into the cab.  

I held my breath for what seemed like forever as we drove away.  I was numb for a few minutes.  And then it just gushed out.  It was so unfair.  My heart just broke and cracked and shattered and ached the longer the drive.  We drove through some mountains.  I had eaten a small puff puff roll and a multi-vitamin, and I know the vitamin upset my stomach but that wasn't all that was upsetting me. The cab had to pull over while I crouched and hurled on the side of the road.  I knew my anxiety was spiraling out from the wound of leaving him.  He was just a tiny african boy, but he had taught me so much about myself and God, and I had fallen deeply in love with him.  Did he even know it?  Did I even want him to know it?! unbearable.



The tears just kept coming.  They would stop for a few hours, then arrive out of nowhere.  At one point on the flight home, Jake was asleep beside me, all the lights were off, and everyone within sight on the flight was sleeping peacefully.  I sobbed for at least an hour.

I knew I was already missing that deep comfort I felt with him.  A comfort I haven't found with anyone else, other than my family, dog, and soul mate. 





I knew I was going to miss looking into his little watery eyes.  Looking into his mean eyes.  Looking into his sad eyes.  Looking into his mischevious eyes.  And always seeing part of myself.  And always feeling it in my heart.  There were entire world's in there.  World's I had never seen before.

I fantasized about bringing him to the US and taking him to the beach and dairy queen and camping and goodwill and playing at parks with him.  I remembered a moment where he snuck into the area where we were staying and stole a thin pineapple rind out of our compost bucket.  He ran outside and shared it with multiple other children.  That moment touched me so deep.  Because there we had thought we ate all of the pineapple and these children were taking extreme joy in sucking on a discarded scrap.  I brought the compost bin out and gave them the rest of the pineapple scraps.  They even tried to share with me.  Imagine! Me? The one who threw it away.  And they wanted me to get some too. 






I knew I would miss watching him get into confrontations and letting him fight his own battles over plastic bottles, assorted treasures found laying around, and then comforting when he lost those battles he initiated.

I knew I would miss pushing him on the swingset.  And feeling Animboms misery and anger within myself.  He awakened my own hysterical feelings.  I found comfort in comforting and loving him.  There was something about him falling asleep in my arms after crying fits, the surrender, the innocence.  I cherished it so.

I hoped he wasn't sad and that he just ate breakfast and played after I left.  But I knew he was hurting too.  And I hated that.  Didn't he already experience enough pain without me creating more for him to endure?  I had tried to create distance for when I left so he wouldn't miss me but I knew I had failed. 

I knew I would miss how at the randomest moments he would always be oustide me door crying or looking for me.  I thought about how he had gotten so mad at me when I had to tell him no and he would just hit me and I would just tell him to stop even though he continued.  I saw myself in that a lot.  myself.  my life.

The sheer sadness I felt for his tortured soul.
It was almost crazy how much more I related to this child more than any other kids ever.  He awakened the nurturing motherly in me that I was always convinced I wasn't!  I am usually annoyed by kids and think that they are spoiled or strange or bratty or hyper or disobedient.  Not this one.  He was perfect.  and I related to him more than a lot of adults. Even people who were my friends for years.




At one point I found him crying and I carried him away and sat on the ground with him in my arms.  I looked in those sweet watery eyes and I said "are you okay?  did somebody hurt you?" He never answered me he just laid there crying silently and as I looked into his eyes I saw such a beautiful angel child of God but also a great pool of pain.  I saw that pain and my own tears started flowing.  Another child said " no, don't cry!"  I told him that I couldn't help but cry seeing this child cry, and he told me he was just sleepy. Yes I know, but there was something more there. 

For 2.5 weeks I had been under the impression that he didn't speak or understand hardly any English.  i always talked but thought he didn't understand because he was mischevious and always playing and hardly ever answered me.  I was lucky if I got a yes or a no.  Sometime during the last week someone told me that they actually do understand some, they just don't know how to speak it.  Most of our communication was non verbal.  We really didn't have to try.  We were one.

Other kids always told him he plays too much.  Even adults told him that.  I've been told that more times than I can count in my life.  I tend to take things to far without even trying and then wonder how I got there.  Plahying, arguments, everything.  Like Animbom.



We usually sat, or stood, or sometimes played in a comfortable silence.  I haven't found that comfortable silence with very many people.  He was a child, but an adult.  He was his own person.  Once all of the tiny kids were missing a few minutes into devotionals.  I was so worried because they had been playing by the road earlier.  Nobody else was concerned, I sent another kid to look for them at the expense of him getting in trouble for being late.  They all 4 of them wandered in covered head to toe in mud, sat down silently and respectfully, and promptly fell asleep.  They were an absolute hoot.



Once I was really tired and sick and exhausted, my love (jacob) was super busy and almost nonexistent with the stresses of being a project manager.  I sat on the ground sort of drifting in and out of it, and Animbom was there in my blurred vision hitting me, trying to get a reaction, trying to play.  I think he was scared, that something was wrong with me, since I was acting out of character.  But I had some extreme cramps and he hit me in the stomach and it brought tears.  I silently crouched over for a second, and he said to me in my ear "dont cry" It was such a precious moment because I didn't know he spoke english, and he had only said yes or no maybe twice prior to that moment.  Of course my Jacob swooped in and guided me away to rest for a bit.  Looking back I think part of the tears and pain was unrelated to my physical ailments.  I think I was crying over his life.  and I knew I was leaving, and I knew I was going to lose my new deep love.

A few times I had talked to him about Jesus when he was sad.  He had said yes, and I thought he was just saying that.  But now I knew he had understood.  Magical. His life wasn't that bad, after all his life had made him how he was, why I liked him so, but I wanted him to have one on one parent attention everyday, to heal his wounds, and pray over his sleepy worn out body every night, carry him to bed, carry him on their backs, and tell him Jesus loves him every time he forgets.

It was so easy to talk to him about Jesus.  It is never that comfortable.






I was out of control when I got home. A mean ugly incurable depression.  I was mourning him as a child and friend, I had lost him.  And I knew that nobody at all could understand how I was hurting, only God.  and I was devastated because I realized that I could never go back to those moments, it was lost forever, and I lost a part of myself, I mourned the inner child I had found.  My inner child was murdered as soon as I got in the American airport and looked around at all the obnoxious smart phones, cleavage, bratty children and obnoxious people around me.  Even Jacob couldn't relate with me, he was unaware of these flaws, seeing everyone as the sweet individuals they were.  (Like Jesus... ugh come one Jake be human for me when I need you to be)
That inner child was stamped out smothered.

I could't be that anymore and it hurt so bad to have that part of me gone again.  I felt enslaved.  I felt claustrophobic by everything.  Nobody knew I was mourning.  I was mad that God allowed me to fall in love and fund myself only to be ripped away and enslaved again.

I didnt; wake up to children's screams and playing, no children awaited outside my door with his excited squirmy giggles and squeals.  He wasn't even the only one.  He was just a deep one.  And my heart felt so full with him, I felt like I knew him just sitting cross legged. wordless communication.  Do you know how hard that is to find? My soul mate and I only have moments like that occasionally.



I miss playing w him.
And I miss defending him.
I miss his beautiful inspiring giggles
And his sweet little round head and belly.
I miss seeing myself when he acted out. And knowing when we argued that it was neither of our faults... but sort of both.. because we are stubborn and always fighting.. for.. something.
I miss him saying yes every time I say no.
Being with him is one of those times where i am shocked and think how can people not believe? Don't they see this and feel this? I felt it so strong!
I miss holding his small hands.
And I miss playing on the dirty ground.

I abused Jake and acted and felt pain and misery for the rest of the month after returning. Didn't know why.
Even thought of how quickly I had changed from my Cameroonian self, and how I didn't think about the kids as much anymore. Thought maybe I'm heartless. maybe there is nothing I can do to save every cute kid so I shoudn't allow myself to be attached.  Who says they needed saving anyway? Hasn't Jesus already done that for us all?  And so I began the process of stuffing and repressing.





4am one day when I couldn't sleep, I rolled over and looked into my dogs eyes. (Nugget) They were big and brown and innocent.  He is a weird abused dog who looks away or is jittery, he used to never look into my eyes, he sort of avoided them.  But n this quiet peaceful 4am moment we just stared into each others eyes for a few long seconds, and I told him aloud how grateful I am for him.and how much I love him and how he has saved my life time and again. The innocence and sweetness of the watery stare I got back, brought back deep heartfelt memories. Animbom.  I thought of him.... held my breath in my bed and realized how hurt and how deep it really was. And I prayed and cried and just let it out, I could hardly breathe.  It wasn't that i didn't care anymore, just that I had repressed it in attempt to not feel the pain.

I really hope heaven is a huge orphanage, kids everywhere, just like orphanage, except no-one feels pain and no-one needs anything. But we are free, and we play, and we all discover our inner child untainted and unrepressed. We can just... be.  And play on the dirty ground with God and each other and just.. love.

I realized I was taking everything out on Jake.  I was devastated on what I had become.
I should have been thrilled to have gotten to experience these things! I got to stare into a child's eyes and see Jesus staring back, lovingly.
I know that this is what feels right to me, what i want to do forever.



There is one boy in Bolivia who I feel similarly about.  His name is Ricardo, and I haven't seen him in 2 years.  I need to see him again one day. But he lives on, definitely in my heart as well.  I think I went through a similar mourning and depression the two times I thought I might get to see him again and did not get to.

I don't care how much pain I endure on earth trying to pour love into these kids who deserve it. I can't wait to get to heaven where we can all play and tickle and love together.
Thank you to all of my supporters who allow my life to be what it is.  Thank you for loving me and supporting me and being awesome individuals filled with generosity.  I love you with all of my heart.  
May God Reward you for your kindness.
STEPHANIE SNYDER
MATTHEW DOBLER
BARBARA GRAHAM
DAVID AND LIBBA HICKS
JUDITH WRIGHT
ROBERT FLORENCE
SHARON GOODIN
NATALIE SNOW
JEFFREY HANKS
JOYCE COMBS
CHADWICK CREIGHTON
NANA HALLIE WHITE
DEBRA HARWELL-BRAUN
STEVEN BRAUN
KAYE AND LAMAR THOMAS
RACHELANN BRAUN
DAVID JOSEPH BRAUN
ELIZABETH HARDIN
ALEX and KATIE WOLPERT
DANA FRADY
COLBY FOSTER
LAURA MONTGOMERY
KENDRA TORRICK
THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! LOVE YOU.
Not only for allowing me to go on trips, to fall in love with kids, and to do awesome sustainability projects, but for education, a ripple in communities, and for the love everyone involved experiences and discovers radiating out from your generosity.  



Thank you for helping me feel God closer and fall deeper in love with him. And for helping me confirm and feel my future and callings, for an adventure of a lifetime and new friends, for another country that isn't just a place on a map, but a place on the map of my heart.

Thank you will never be enough.



Even though there were times in Africa in my bed or during a bucket bath, I was hurting and asking God how to best serve and love these people, or crying myself to sleep in love and hurt with these kids and this work, I am thankful for every moment.  I am thankful FOR YOU.



WHO WILL SUPPORT MY NEXT MISSION??!!!! I'm leaving in 4 days and fundraising until it is paid off, hoping it comes in faster than I am expecting.  I am heading to UGANDA!!!!! Thank you for reading and for your kindness!
http://www.gofundme.com/returningtoafrica